[I really was going to do this last night, but then I got to talking to people on Facebook. And it really is nice to have a desk and a full size keyboard to work with instead of my laptop. And besides, all that internet porn isn’t going to watch itself. Then I got home after work, and we had date night, so it is finally getting done about 11:30] My condolences to the Baldwin family for their loss. I only know you guys through attending wrestling and Facebook, but I feel for your loss.
Pretty decent crowd tonight, despite the weather
Intro - Larry Cooter gabfest. Larry Cooter is out to start the show. He was having trouble getting a babysitter, so maybe he needs to get his match over with and get out of here. Cooter is out to have a word with Erik Hayes, who turned on him last week. He calls out “Larry the Cable Guy, Steve Urkel, and that Kardashian- wannabe”, and says he will stick his boot up their asses and leave them crying. Victor Van Glorious and Erik Hayes are out to face the adoring crowd, brandishing their taser liberally. Hayes goes right to work on Cooter, and soon has the brass knuckles out. Victor talks while Erik beats on Cooter. Erik gets a chair and goes to piledrive Cooter on a chair, but Fatal is in for the save. Victor tells Cooter that Kevin Kardashian will not be here for several weeks, and Victor is about to take some time away to attend to business as well, but he has hired Erik Hayes to make Larry Cooter [and my] life miserable. As the heels walk off, Fatal challenges Erik and someone to a tag match. Victor darn near tasers an older gentleman in the crowd and the overworked security guy. Cooter says if Kardashian won’t show, maybe Victor aka “Steve Urkel” will tag with Hayes.
Match #1 – Well, really the first actual match. Shane Steel vs. Lennox Norris Again? Well, let’s hope for the best. Lennox Norris is like Ernest the Cat, without the charisma. “Or the talent” – Cliff. Harsh, but true. They lockup to start, and Steel shoves him in the corner, then swap positions. Norris lets him out of the corner. Another tie up, and Steel cops a feel. At the first sign of offense, Steel goes into the ropes again. Hobbs, the ref, has been more aggressive then either wrestler. Weak kick, and an armwrench, Norris reverses, and pins Steel for a two count. Norris in control, Steel fights back and gets Norris to one knee. Norris reverses, another two count. Norris with a weak punch, then a leapfrog, only because Steel dropped to one knee. More ginger offense from Norris, and splashes Steel in the corner. Hard clothesline takes Norris down. Steel’s either selling a knee injury or actually tweaked his knee. Choking Norris on the ropes almost gets Steel the DQ. Steel works the eyes. Lennox is so out of it he’s just throwing blind punches. Steel pulls him up, punches the belly, and gives Lennox a cross body splash. Steel with a half-ass cover for the two count. Lennox ducks a punch, counters with a sunset flip, gets a two count. Both men are down and catching their breath. Norris is discombobulated. Steel clubbers him down. Steel gets Lennox in a chokehold. Cliff is begging for someone, anyone to win. Norris trys to mount a comeback, but Steel puts a stop to it with a knee to knee blow. JT Gibson is wildly gesticulating for them to wrap it up. It looks like he’s conducting the Nashville Symphony. Steel in solid control. Off the second rope, misses with a fist drop. Norris crawls up in his corner, struggles to his feet, and gives Steel a boot to the belly, a series of weak lefts, a decent right which flips Steel completely over. Whips him into the ropes, back body drop, but only gets two. Attempted ref bump and low blow, and Steel gets the pin. Takes forever to put his feet on the ropes, in full view of the ref, and picks up another cheap win. The crowd starts chanting “he was on the ropes”, to which I respond with a counter chant of “don’t care”. They threaten to make us watch this match again next week. Norris leaves to very little fanfare. Cagematch tells me Norris has 15 years of experience. Really? Really? He has looked like the guy who can’t hang, not the Main Event regulars.
Match # 2 – Jamey “Chickenwing” Farrari vs. Psycho Medic I still like the idea of a Jamey Farrari on a pole match. Psycho Medic has a remix of his new music. Jamey bails out of the ring to have a talk with Chickenhat. Cliff has noticed that Jamey Farrari’s package is “unusually pronounced” this week, although he insists its not something he usually checks out. Jamey shoves Psycho ones, and bails, letting the ref start to count him out. He’s back in for another staredown in the middle of the ring. Pyscho blocks a bunch and delivers two headbutts, a scoop, and a slam. Picks up Jamey by the hair and lays him out with a punch. Whipped into the ropes and a shoulder block down. Jamey kicks out at one. Whip into the far rope, and elbow takes Jamey down. Medic with a series of near falls. Low blow right in front of the ref, and a neckbreaker that Jamey just barely pulled off. Elbows to the back of Medic’s head. I love the little things that Farrari does, like always mashing the good guy in the face when going for the pin. Psycho counters with a scoop slam, but only gets a two. At least the ref called a two, everyone else in the area saw it was three. The ref finally calls for the pin. As they are announcing the winner, the ref spots a chain in Medic’s shirt, and reverses it for the cheap win for Farrari. A great, simple spot! Jamey can’t resist a sly smile as he limps out of the ring. Medic has the ref by the throat, and JT comes in to try to talk Psycho Medic down. “Punch him in the junk, Medic!” JT promises us a No-DQ match with Psycho vs. Jamey Farrari again next week.
[Just a side note. Find The Trailer Park Boys Christmas Special from 2004. We watched it Wednesday night, and the ending made my girlfriend cry. Was actually very poignant, in their dysfunctional way. I’m hoping to catch Countdown to Liquor Day this weekend.]
Jamey is back and tries to attack Psycho, taking forever to sneak attack. Psycho dosen’t want a No-DQ match, he’s already been in one. Psycho no sells Farrari’s offense and gives him a huge back body drop, and Farrari gets back out of the ring. Psycho tells Jamey to watch his back. [I want to bring Mike Jones back for one week, to play the Green Bastard.] Match #3 – The Expendables, Shaun Fatal & Larry Cooter, vs. Erik Hayes and Kaige Kuttler w/Victor Van Glorius and his taser. [Chickenhat is really wound up already, between Erik Hayes and Jamey Farrari. Going to be a tough night for him. In a way, I’m really envious of the people that can be pure fans, “marks” as it is. I’ve always, since I was like 10, been more interested in the backstage, behind the curtain, details of how the performance works, then just pure “cheer the good guys and boo the heels”. And that dosen’t mean I’m a “boo the faces” guy either. I appreciate guys that can entertain, work hard, and tell a story, regardless of if they are face or heel.] Erik Hayes is channeling Dick Murdock, and Kaige Kuttler makes me have flashbacks to the Rock N Roll RPMs. Erik has some sweet motorcycle boots on. “Every time I see Erik Hayes, I hear the music from deliverance playing in my head” – Cliff. Back to the action, Kaige and Fatal to start. Locking up, Kaige with a nice reversal. Fatal does a standing headstand and a boot to the head. Fatal’s offense looks very light, which is a surprise for him. Must be two guys new at working with each other. Kaige has the arm, Fatal kips up, and reverses it. Kaige rolls his way out of it, and gets Fatal by the leg for a one count. Trading one counts here. Kaige with some weak elbow pokes and reverses a headlock. Fatal counters, into the ropes, and a shoulderblock takes Fatal down. Fatal’s back up with a nice dropkick, and my first armdrag of the night. Mistimed punch duck, and a hurrancanra on Kaige. Kaige gets put in the corner for Fatal to do his corner to corner high knee. Cooter and Hayes tag in. Cooter leads the crowd in a funky chicken. Erik Hayes asks for silence so we can hear him fart. Tags back in Kaige. Cooter and Kaige lock up. He overpowers Kaige and Kaige begs off in the corner, whining to the ref. The ref dosen’t seem especially interested. They lock up again. Some very gentle lovetaps from Kaige. Cooter whips him out, runs in place, then pulls out a nice bulldog in the center of the ring. Erik breaks up the pin attempt. Cooter chews on some knuckles while the ref is distracted talking to Victor Van Glorious. Fatal tags in. Some weak stomps, and Fatal off the second rope with an elbow drop. Erik again breaks up the pin attempt. “That’s all he’s good for, is jerking him off” – Cliff. Double elbows brings down Kaige. Victor breaks up a pin attempt. Kaige rakes the eyes of Larry Cooter, shoves him headfirst into the turnbuckle, and delivers a nice European uppercut. Measures him up, and delivers a very weak boot to the belly. Kaige looks winded, and tags in Erik. He rolls over Cooter. Victor is arguing with fans as Erik chokes Cooter. Fatal trys to make the save, letting the heels double team Cooter. Phantom tag. Kaige with a double underhook suplex. Cliff briefly gets into it with a mark who needed to pull his pants up. He briefly considers getting into it with us, then goes back to harranging Van Glorious. Kaige rakes the eyes, and tags back in Erik. Hayes pulls Cooter to his feet. Spinning neckbreaker takes down Cooter. Pin attempt broken up by Fatal. Hayes goes after Fatal, and stomps down Cooter. Douchebag fan wants a piece of Van Glorious. Hayes with some brass knuckles while the ref is “distracted”. Looked right at it but had to pretend otherwise. Slow spinning neckbreaker. Tags in Kaigs. Kaigs drops the knee and dumps Cooter out of the ring in front of Van Glorious. He gives him a series of kicks before Fatal comes over to save him. Hayes rolls Cooter in. Victor is setting up for the “briefcase” and taking slightly longer then global warming. Finally clubs him across the back. Hayes adds a shot as well. Victor misses the Douchebag fan by millimeters. Total Chaos would have ensued. Cooter tries to get to his feet, but Eric rakes the eyes, and delivers a standing dropkick. Cooter reaches the ropes. [Its hard to call the action at this point, because whats going on outside the ring is almost better.] Victor grabs Cooter and rubs his hair. Hits Cooter in full view of the ref, and gets a warning. Kaige goes up to the bottom rope, then works his way to the middle rope. Kaige with a daring middle rope maneuver. Misses and lands ugly. The crowd is behind Cooter, who is trying to roll to his corner. Cooter fights his way back, a hard slap on Kaige and a knife edge chop. Erik is in with a kick on Cooter, til the ref sends him back out. Hayes is tagged in. They trade punches. Slaps down Hayes, but he responds with a jawbreaker, which keeps Cooter from getting to the corner. Hayes misses a superkick. DDT drops Hayes, but takes Cooter down as well. Kaige and Fatal both tag in, and Fatal is a house afire. Cooter goes after Erik while Fatal and Kaige go at it in the other corner. Fatal with a roll over for the pin. Kaige attacks after the bell, and Erik is in with the taser. Kaige eventually kicks Fatal out of the ring. “What a shocking development – opps, we used this last week” – Cliff. Yeah, but they used this gimmick last week, so we are even. Much brandishing and abuse of the taser. Backgammon shot on Cooter’s back. Kaige is in the wrong part of town, right in front of Chickenhat. Victor is on the mic, and says that Erik Hayes is taking over. Fatal and Kaige are going at it. Hayes drops a brass knuckle sandwich on Cooter. Kaige jaws with some cute redheads. Chickenhat has a chair! “This crowd is electric” Chickenhat threatens JT to get out of his way. Victor is talking, but its hard to hear him. There are 4 people trying to keep Chickenhat down. He grabs another chair is Victor eggs him on, much to JT’s chagrin. He keeps motioning for Victor to stop, but he’s not listening. Fatal goes after Hayes with a chair, and he bails out of the ring. Charles charges the heels, and gets tackled by the ref right by the concession stand. There are feathers everywhere, and three men on him. JT pops out a Fat Albert reference “Erik and Victor are like school on Saturday, No Class”. Douchebag is going up each set of stairs trying to get into the wrestlers locker room. Psycho is out in his scrubs to help Cooter out of the ring.
After a short intermission, we are joined by Psycho Medic in the booth, to discuss… the NFL Draft. I’m a long-suffering Browns fan, Cliff is a Cowboys mark, and Psycho roots for the hometown Titans.
Match #4 – Chris Norte with Dyron Flynn and Prince Omar Al Kazan vs. Matt Madison of the Elements of Wrestling. Pyscho agrees with us that Norte looks like Abe Lincoln. We miss a lot of this reviewing the draft, but that’s a blog for another day, because I know you all want to hear our football insight….. Norte and Madison lock up and try some chain-wrestling. Rolls out of a reach-around and gets Norte in a headlock. They shoulderblock, but neither goes down. Collide again, but neither goes down. Madison finally gets Norte down, but only a two count. Madison with an armdrag takedown. Medic is unhappy with the Titans pick, and even more upset with Houston’s 26th pick, yet another DE. Madison rolls him over, has the arm trapped. Madison is kicked down to the ground by Norte. Flynn comes over and says hello to Madison while the ref is busy with Omar. Flynn kindly slides Matt back in. Norte picks him up, and flips him over his back. Pin attempt nets two. Norte flips him over and gets a chinlock on him. Chickenhat is still busy trying to put his hat back together. Norte abuses Madison along with some interference from Omar. Elbow sends Madison down. Norte rolls Madison over and attempts a variation of a Cattle Mutilitator, I think. Norte switches to a front facelock, but Matt fights his way up. Very ugly timed boot to the head by Norte, and then a big leg drop, but Madison kicks out at two. Norte is looking winded. Madison gives Omar a solid kick, takes Flynn down, and then sunset flips Norte and gets the pin. He takes too long getting out of the ring, and Flynn gives him a piledriver on his own belly. The heels beat Madison down til Sade makes the save. Once again Matt Madison is unable to leave under his own power.
Match #5 – Dyron Flynn w/ Omar Al Kazan vs MDK. Was really curious to see what MDK could do. I’ve seen a youtube match with him, and he has a great look, but dosen’t actually do a whole lot in it. One clothesline from MDK and Flynn is having second thoughts. Flynn takes his sweet time getting back to the ring, giving MDK time to pose with the X-Division Title. Flynn teases a test of strength, and eventually they lock up. Flynn goes down to his knees. MDK with a nice armdrag. Welcome to Nashville, MDK. Flynn fights his way back up, but MDK stays in control. Flynn whipped out of the corner and into the ropes. They fight for control again, and Flynn rakes the eyes. Showing a lot of air, and MDK dosen’t sell, until Flynn returns the favor. Very soft boots in the corner, and a nice looking suplex on MDK. Rising knee drops MDK down. Flynn with a cover, no count. Flynn in control with a headlock, and MDK fights his way out of it. Suplex and a cover only gets two. Flynn responds with a jawbreaker. MDK takes an ugly looking tumble out of the ring, and Omar comes over for a friendly hello. MDK gets up and chases Omar halfway around the ring before getting back in. Flynn drops MDK into the ropes and gets in while he is down. Choke on the ropes gets a warning. Dyron covers but only gets a two. Flynn is really carrying this match, and the pace is plodding. MDK picks him up and carries him corner to corner. Picks him up in a Fireman’s carry and press slams him for a two count. The crowd has very little enthusiasm for MDK. Sets Flynn up for a power bomb, and then drops him over his right shoulder. Omar causes a distraction, and gets posted for his trouble. Omar goes down, but has not lost his glasses. Omar has never, ever lost his glasses. Chickenat looks like he’s going after Omar. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Flynn lands a flip out of nowhere for the pin.
Match #6 – Strong Style Eric Hodge vs. David Knox in a strap match. Knox comes out with one of Jamey Farrari’s belts, as the belt he has could not get around his waist in a month of Sundays. Hodge declines to use a weapon, and they lock up. Hodge with a go behind, reversed by Knox. They trade blows, then back away. Hodge with a good amateur leg takedown, and rolls him over, but Knox powers out. Knox gets Hodge in a headlock and maintains control. LBK begs them to take it home. Hodge reverses, and gets Knox in a headlock of his own. Hodge gives Knox a good stretch. Cliff is dying, because they are doing one move, then getting up and walking away. They trade punches, and Hodge’s blows look really bad. Punch from Knox takes him down. Wrestling seem’s to be Hodge’s forte, not the punching and kicking. Both men collide in the middle of the ring and go down. “Take it home” – LBK. Finally both men get the straps out. They circle each other, and Knox gets a few solid swipes across Hodge’s belly. Knox is swatting Hodge at will, so he bails out. Knox comes looking for him. Hodge goes on the offensive, but has a hard time landing solid blows, so he decided to choke him with the belt instead. Finally Hodge gets both belts and leaves some welts on Knox. They get back in the ring and lock back up. Neckbreaker brings both men down. Hodge is up and kicking and slapping, but Knox powers out. Knox gets bent over backwards, and makes a ton of noise for a man getting choked. Hodge is choking him with the belt, and giving him a pit stop at the same time. Knox fails to answer the bell, and Eric Hodge looks surprisingly upset. Why does Hodge pull down his straps after a match? Hodge says he dosent want to win this way. I would think the key would be not to put your opponent in a submission hold. Hodge offers a fist bump of mutual respect.
Match #7 – Kaden Sade vs. Nick Iggy. A face on face matchup, born out of mutal respect. Iggy gets Sade down on the mat and covers, but gets a one count. Sade breaks free and wrenches the arm. Both men go down, and both kip up. They trade arm drags. Sade trips him down, cover gets one. Trips him again, with a phantom trip, and a cover gets nothing. Both men are up. They lock up, Sade whips him into the turnbuckle. Iggy reverses it and hits Sade into the turnbuckle. Reverse kick by Sade takes Iggy down. Sade punches him in the balls, right in front of the ref. 360 from the middle rope, but lands on his feet. They lock up again, and Flynn is in the ring to attack Dyron. Iggy and Flynn show a lot of intensity going after each other. Sade is down and out. Omar bails after trying to pull Flynn off of Iggy. The faces and heels and about 4 refs come out to try to separate everyone. Three guys are holding Chickenhat back too. Iggy keeps going after Flynn. Iggy and Flynn agree to settle this later, as Flynn wants the Title, and Iggy is a fighting champion. Ending should have been a longer match, but a great confrontation at the end.
I want to end this with a challenge. All those of you who say “Rusty just talks up matches that aren’t that entertaining, I challenge you to come down, sit with me, and not have a good time. If you can honestly say you didn’t get your $4 back, I’ll reimburse you myself.
The Fave Five 1. Nick Iggy 2. Matt Madison 3. Kaden Sade 4. Psyco Medic 5. Shaun Fatal
Bringing the Heat 1. Victor Van Glorious 2. Dyron Flynn 3. Erik Hodge 4. Omar Al Kazan 5. Jamey Farrari