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GORGEOUS GEORGE PART 2
â€“ Dick Steinborn
March 1, 2003
Let me tell you another story about â€˜Gorgeousâ€™ George Wagner.
The Chatsworth story about the 37 people that George performed in front of can only be topped by the trooper who also loved to play a
practical joke when the opportunity presented itself.
George had three orchid-colored Cadillacs in his day; one in Los Angeles, a second in Chicago, and a third parked in New Jersey. He
was big time in those days and flew to those areas when he had to perform in the surrounding states.
G.G. and his valet Jeffries drove from Chicago to Mexico City, and upon returning, wound up in the plains of Texas at about sunrise,
where Jeffries had to slow the limousine down to a stop. G.G., who was sleeping in the back and who always wore a multi-colored
cabby cap, awoke to witness a farmer herding his cattle from the left side of the highway to an open fence, to the big fenced in meadow to
the right side of the highway.
G.G. told the boys in the dressing room one night of how he got out of the vehicle, relieved himself, and then trotted over to the farmer,
who turned to witness this flamboyant character approaching him saying â€�My good man, you have some sick cattle.â€�
George stated that he went on to tell the farmer how he had just returned from a veterinarian convention in Mexico City, where they had
just discovered a new strain of sickness in the southwestern cattle population. George went on to point out to the farmer his Illinois
license plate, telling the bewildered man standing in the middle of the highway that he was a leading veterinarian in the leading
veterinarian clinic in Illinois.
After much ado, I remember George stating, â€œThe farmer bit.â€� He said, â€œWhatâ€™s wrong with my cattle?â€�
Now as I remember it, George went on to point out four or five of the cattle that was in this big herd, stating â€œThis one is sick, that one
over there is sick. Look at those three heifers, how sick they are.â€�
George was laughing in the dressing room when he continued, saying â€œThey got the lifts, they got the lifts!â€� Again, the
dumbfounded farmer said, â€œWhatâ€™s wrong with my cattle?â€� George answeredâ€� They have the liftsâ€�.
By then, Jeffries, who was quite aware of Georgeâ€™s antics on the road, pulled around cautiously with the vehicle, and got ahead of the
herd that was crossing the highway. It was 9:00 in the morning and the sun was partly up when George stated to the farmer â€œMy God,
my good man, I believe your whole herd is contaminated with the lifts!â€� Here goes the farmer asking â€œWhat are the lifts!?â€�
George said he sneered at the guy, and as one of the small calves was walking by, George grabbed it by the tail and told the farmer, â
€œEvery time your cattle craps, they lift their tails!â€�
With that, George said he smirked at the guy, as serious as all get out. When the farmer made a lunge for him with a six-foot pole he
was herding his cattle with, George said he took off running to the car with the farmer right behind him. George said it was now pretty
serious. The guy was duped and he knew it.
George told us when he got to the car that Jeffries sped up and took off driving down the highway with the vehicle. George said he could
not stop because the guy was gaining on him. George related that the guy stopped about fifty feet away from his cattle, and George, not
hearing the footsteps pursuing him any longer, stopped about twenty feet from the farmer. Then the Cadillac stopped about twenty feet
away. George said he turned and smirked at the guy again, and as he was looking back at this individual, behind the farmer, about
twenty-five cattle had scattered all over the highway.
The boys were laughing in tears in the dressing room and I will never forget G.G.â€™s comment stating, â€œHey, I had a little fun doing
some early morning road work.â€�
Yes, he was a trooper and one of the boys.